Day 38: December 27, 2011

I know it's not perfect, but it's life.
Life is messy sometimes. 


Well, hi. Long time no blog. Things have been a little crazy, and messy, and anything but perfect lately. But in no way am I complaining! Because that's life. It does get crazy, and mess, and pretty imperfect at times, but that's the way life is. Embrace it.
Finals came and went thank goodness. I'd like to just focus on the went part. haha. I'm not going to sit here and blog about every little thing I did wrong this semester because 1.) No one has the time or attention span for it (including myself) and 2.) It doesn't do anyone (me) one bit of good. I am thankful for the things I learned in my first semester of college. I feel as though I can confidently say I have grown, both in my education and as a person. And no matter my grades, to me, that is what matters. 
So, first semester of college= conquered. 
The holidays came and went as well. They went by really quickly, but they were as wonderful as they could be. My family will be celebrating Christmas on New Years when my brother comes home, so I'm really looking forward to seeing him again! 
I found myself really distracted this Christmas by the concept of love being the greatest gift we have to give, and it's a gift we can give every day of our lives. I posted a video to my Facebook, not in hopes of making myself look like a good person, or to get attention. But I truly felt like this was something that I myself needed to hear, so chances were that there were others who needed to hear it too. So, I put it out there. I'll put the link here if anyone's interested in seeing it. 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2619820449522
No matter how disgustingly cliche the idea of loving everyone is, it really is (in my opinion at least) the only way we can live our lives.


"If you love the life you live, you will live a life of love."


I'm not saying that it's easy and in no way have I mastered this way of living. I mess up every day. But thankfully I have people in my life who love me enough to forgive me and who keep giving me chances. And THAT, that is how we make it. 


So, I challenge you to go out and tell the people that you love that you love them.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed, the future is constantly changing.
So go out and spread all the love you can today!


"I am nothing special, of this I am sure.
I am a common man with common thoughts 
and I have led a common life.
There are no monuments dedicated to me
and my name will soon be forgotten,
but I have loved another with all my heart and soul,
and to me, that has always been enough."
-Nicholas Sparks

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 37: November 15, 2011

It's crazy to think that almost a year ago exactly was when this whole "mystery illness" fiasco began, well began to get bad.

I remember when it all started, the first week of senior year. Because I remember how frustrated my parents were that I was already missing classes when we had been in school for like, 4 days. But what we thought was just the flu, then extended to a two week thing, and three doctor visits later we then decided this was something a little more serious. 

Haha Looking back I honestly have no idea how I even graduated. I was absent from school more than I was actually there! Hell, I went about 4 weeks straight without even meeting my government teacher! THAT was a fun day. "Uhm, yeah hi. I'm Dorian, (he looks at me, and understands)" haha Looking back, I don't think I truly thanked my friends and teachers enough for all they did for me through that time. Collecting my work, doing everything they could to try to keep me up with everyone else in the class, and for just being so stinkin' patient with me. I'm thankful for them, and the love and care they showed/show me every day. I couldn't have made it through all of that if they hadn't been there to laugh with me at my funny hospital stories, or cry with me at bad test results. I remember that when I walked across the stage at graduation, I didn't do it for just me. I did it for every single person who helped me get to that day. 

And now, a year later here I am. Better? Sure, compared to where I was, being tossed from doctor to doctor almost weekly hearing the same "Well I just don't know, let me refer you to..." and "Just keep taking these meds for the next 6 months.." until finally I heard "We've really done everything we can, we're still not sure what's causing this, but the medication seems to be helping so let's just stick with that." So here I am, little medicated me. (I'm not bitter or anything ;) I know, I know, things could be so much worse. But I just hate to think of how different things could have been if I would have never gotten sick. I couldn't go on college visits like everyone else, I only got the chance to apply to UNT because I ran out of time. Because I was too scared that if I went away I would get really sick again and I would be too far from my doctors, and family. I don't want that to be a regret hanging over my head for the rest of my life.

BUT, that's a whole other tangent. I want the point of this blog to be this: appreciate your health. I know how simple that is, it's something people overlook until they don't have it anymore, I know I did. No one ever wakes up and says "Gee, I'm so glad I have a heart that beats regularly" or anything like that until they feel the pain of it not anymore. Now I'm not asking you to be completely cheesy about this, but seriously, just realize how lucky you are to have your health! Be thankful every time your heart beats, and just anytime you feel well! Because trust me, the other end of the spectrum sucks. Not only for you, but for your friends and family. So enjoy your health. Be happy. And go run a mile for me. :) Just kidding, I wouldn't even do that if I could!

"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself...'How did I get through all of that'"

This next quote helped me get through the past year. I hope it can provide you comfort as well.

"I have the strength that says... I WILL NOT let this defeat me.

I won't let anyone ruin my heart.

I will make this life beautiful...

No matter what gets thrown at me.

No matter what things may seem like mountains in my path.

I WILL find a way through it."

Day 36: October 31, 2011

"We are 

each of us angels

with only one wing,

and we can fly

only by embracing 

each other."

-Lucian de Crescenzo

I've always hated the phrase "everything happens for a reason". Anytime I have someone say that to me I ask them to then give me the reason, and that usually shuts them up. But it's always been my belief that people are brought into our lives for a reason.

To teach us things about life, and about ourselves that we could never learn on our own.

To help us discover who we are. And where the hell we're supposed to fit into this crazy world. 

Some people show us what love, friendship, trust, and happiness are.

And from others we learn hate, betrayal, disappointment, and sadness. 

No matter which category they fall under, we will always remember them.

Our truest friends will not only be simply remembered.

They are those that come into our lives leaving their handprints on our hearts.

They are the ones who help shape us each day.

Who laugh when we laugh.

Who cry when we cry.

Our truest friends are the ones who are standing there beside us when it feels like the whole world has left us behind.

THESE are the people we must care about.

For they are rare, they are beautiful.

Friendships like this have the power to change your life forever.

Do not let them pass you by.

Day 35: October 23, 2011

Oh, hi there. Nice to see you again. I've missed you. Well, by that I guess I really mean that I miss the days when I used to actually have time to do this blogging thing every day. 

I miss the days when things were so simple. I mean, of course at the time none of it seemed simple because in high school you strive for drama. But now... I could do without it, and be perfectly content. But alas, without complications what would keep life so exciting? hmm? 

Are you happy in life, at this very moment.

 Are you happy?

I asked my friend Ben this question just randomly one day, as nothing serious I just wanted to see what he would say. And Ben being the supermegaawesome person that he is said he was, in fact, happy. He then returned the question to me and I replied with something along the lines of hell no! (Our dorm's fire alarm was going off for the third week in a row and I was left waiting outside in the heat with my huge bag of laundry.) Which (kind of) jokingly, left me very unhappy with life. 

"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change." -Barbara de Angelis

I found this quote on google earlier today, and it stuck out to me because this is where I find a huge fault within myself. So often I let others hinder my happiness. Mind you, that also goes the other way around. Without the select few who I am lucky enough to call my friends, I would not know the kind of joy, care, and laughter that I do today. But I really do let what others say or do to me get to me too much. I forget that I am the one who is truly in control of my own happiness. People hurting you, or betraying your trust is simply inevitable, but you have the ability to control how much you let it effect you. 

I had a moment today when I was getting upset over a certain situation and then one of my best friends just sent me something simple and it made me laugh, and I'm talking one of those from the gut laughs. And it dawned on me, why focus on the people who hurt you and let you down when on the other hand you have people who can make you belly laugh?! I mean HELLO?! We, as far as I know, have one life to live. And I don't know about you but I want to spend as many of my days being as truly happy as I can. 

"EVERY MOMENT IS A GIFT.

     SPEND IT ON THINGS THAT MATTER."

              -Unknown

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

 jkhkjhjkhjkjkdsakjb

Day 34: October 4, 2011

So... uhm, yeah. Posting a blog every day is going reh-he-he-heeeallly well, wouldn't you say? 

But hey, as long as I get to my 365 goal and I cross it off of my Bucket list I will be a happy camper. Even if it takes years, but seriously, it better not. 

What has changed since my last post...

Dorm food still sucks. (Not that I'm expecting that to ever really change.)

I've discovered that my roommate has a laugh that could probably annoy even the most peaceful and loving person on this planet. I'm talking Ghandi would drop-kick her if he ever heard it. (JK LEAH<3)

Parking has gotten a bit better, I'm guessing the dumb people who kept parking in our lot without a permit finally got tired of getting tickets every day. Hoorayyyy.

I've learned that if I ever live in a dorm again, I do not want community bathrooms. Ever. Ever ever. Like, for real I don't know why Leah talked me into this. I've already experienced wildlife (a tiny gecko), girls who think they are the next American Idol, that awkward moment when you're already in the shower and you realize that you forgot your towel down the hall in your room. Just overall, not worth it.

And as time has gone on I have continued to learn who my true friends are. Those who said they were going to stay in touch, but have yet to say a word. Or the ones you thought were some of your best friends and they barely speak to you. But I have to say some of the best parts of college so far has been meeting all of the new people and making friends. I already have some friends in a few of my classes that I know are going to help get me into some kind of trouble (like getting us completely lost in Dallas, cough cough), but it will keep things exciting I'm sure!

I'm sure I have said it before, but I'll say it again. I feel like I have learned more in these few months of college than I learned in my four years of high school. I feel like I've also learned a lot more about myself as well, and everyone's always telling me that that's what college is all about. 

Oh, and I guess one more big change would be that I now have a boyfriend, Garrett. Who has not only been a fantastic boyfriend so far, but even before that proved to be an amazing friend to me. He's one of those people who always sees things the way they truly are, and that may not make sense to anyone, but he'll get it. If he's reading this... hi Garrett. I'm learning a lot from him (mostly how to appreciate country music -__-) but he also shows me that I deserve to stand up for myself, and that I deserve true happiness too. Anyway, before this gets tooooo sappy. I just want to say that Garrett makes me happy each and every day, and I can only hope to repay him for all that he's already done for me.

So yeah, that's pretty much where I am.

Now, I need to study and do some homework. And sleep if there's time.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 33: September 11, 2011

Forever remember 09/11/01


Uh yeah, so... Who's idea was it to start a blog right before starting college?! Because seriously... it's not working out so well. I would apologize, but really I think the only person I'm letting down here is myself. I hate looking back and seeing that I haven't posted in a week, and when I did the most significant thing I had to say was that the dorm food sucked (which is still true..) But seriously, balancing time has been a challenge.
My roommate and I somehow managed to get into three of the same classes, but for some completely unfair reason we have had the least amount of homework in those three classes. So when I come home at the end of the day with 3 hours of home work she may come back with 45 mins only. But I am still enjoying my classes, Environmental science still seems like it's going to kick my a$$, but I need the challenge.. right?
Other than classes, school is pretty cool. Our room saw a lot of excitement today... We got 3 new rugs that (kinda) match our stuff... :) We got a newly used microwave and when we went to plug it in we blew our first fuse and went without AC for a bit. And then Leah kindly replaced my broken lamp with a new one... and it still doesn't work, so we're still looking into that problem. But while Leah was out and about working and getting all of those new and exciting things I was stuck here writing a two page fable for english, and I really liked the way it turned out. And when it's due in a few weeks I will probably post it on here to show you all my mad fable skills.
Anyhoo, I just had a few spare moments to blog and thought I would just do some quick updates. Hopefully next time I will have something a little more significant to say, but no promises. I saw this quote the other day and found it absolutely inspiring. I hope it can inspire some of you as well. Miss you. :)

"I want to learn about the world.

I want to surprise myself.

I want to be important.

I want to be the best person I can be.

I want to define myself, instead of having others define me.

I want to not be afraid of the unknown.

I want an interesting and surprising life.

It's not that I think I'm going to get all of these things.

I just want the possibility of getting them.

The possibility that things are going to change, and I can't wait."

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 32: September 4, 2011

"We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken."
-LOOKING FOR ALASKA ; John Green




I survived my first week of college. 
I got lost, I think I did poorly on a test, there was a gecko in my shower, I laughed, I cried, my car was completely COVERED in bird feces, I made friends, and I feel like I may have lost some... 
BUT I SURVIVED.
And I feel like I've learned more in the past 2 weeks then I learned in my 4 years of high school, and that's the honest truth. It truly has put things into perspective. It's shown me who my true friends are, it's shown me that you may think that you know someone... but wait until they're on their own, to see who they truly are. College has defined "trust" for me. College has shown me that I probably should have listened to my mom all those times she tried to show me how to make simple dishes... :/ The dorm food gets older every day... College has taught me that thankfully church trips over the years prepared me for what it's like to go a full day off of only a couple hours of sleep!
But overall, college has taught me that the most important thing is to enjoy. 

Enjoy your classes, enjoy walking around this beautiful campus.. despite this awful heat, enjoy all of the hilarious memories you make each day that you know you are going to remember for the rest of your life.
ENJOY LIFE.
Even when it sucks.
Even when people sucks.
Things WILL get better, they simply have to.
Stick in there, do your homework, get some sleep.


OH, and buy some new milk, because the stuff in your mini fridge got a little chunky over the weekend. -_-

LIVE.LAUGH. LOVE WASTEFULLY.