Day 38: December 27, 2011

I know it's not perfect, but it's life.
Life is messy sometimes. 


Well, hi. Long time no blog. Things have been a little crazy, and messy, and anything but perfect lately. But in no way am I complaining! Because that's life. It does get crazy, and mess, and pretty imperfect at times, but that's the way life is. Embrace it.
Finals came and went thank goodness. I'd like to just focus on the went part. haha. I'm not going to sit here and blog about every little thing I did wrong this semester because 1.) No one has the time or attention span for it (including myself) and 2.) It doesn't do anyone (me) one bit of good. I am thankful for the things I learned in my first semester of college. I feel as though I can confidently say I have grown, both in my education and as a person. And no matter my grades, to me, that is what matters. 
So, first semester of college= conquered. 
The holidays came and went as well. They went by really quickly, but they were as wonderful as they could be. My family will be celebrating Christmas on New Years when my brother comes home, so I'm really looking forward to seeing him again! 
I found myself really distracted this Christmas by the concept of love being the greatest gift we have to give, and it's a gift we can give every day of our lives. I posted a video to my Facebook, not in hopes of making myself look like a good person, or to get attention. But I truly felt like this was something that I myself needed to hear, so chances were that there were others who needed to hear it too. So, I put it out there. I'll put the link here if anyone's interested in seeing it. 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2619820449522
No matter how disgustingly cliche the idea of loving everyone is, it really is (in my opinion at least) the only way we can live our lives.


"If you love the life you live, you will live a life of love."


I'm not saying that it's easy and in no way have I mastered this way of living. I mess up every day. But thankfully I have people in my life who love me enough to forgive me and who keep giving me chances. And THAT, that is how we make it. 


So, I challenge you to go out and tell the people that you love that you love them.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed, the future is constantly changing.
So go out and spread all the love you can today!


"I am nothing special, of this I am sure.
I am a common man with common thoughts 
and I have led a common life.
There are no monuments dedicated to me
and my name will soon be forgotten,
but I have loved another with all my heart and soul,
and to me, that has always been enough."
-Nicholas Sparks

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 37: November 15, 2011

It's crazy to think that almost a year ago exactly was when this whole "mystery illness" fiasco began, well began to get bad.

I remember when it all started, the first week of senior year. Because I remember how frustrated my parents were that I was already missing classes when we had been in school for like, 4 days. But what we thought was just the flu, then extended to a two week thing, and three doctor visits later we then decided this was something a little more serious. 

Haha Looking back I honestly have no idea how I even graduated. I was absent from school more than I was actually there! Hell, I went about 4 weeks straight without even meeting my government teacher! THAT was a fun day. "Uhm, yeah hi. I'm Dorian, (he looks at me, and understands)" haha Looking back, I don't think I truly thanked my friends and teachers enough for all they did for me through that time. Collecting my work, doing everything they could to try to keep me up with everyone else in the class, and for just being so stinkin' patient with me. I'm thankful for them, and the love and care they showed/show me every day. I couldn't have made it through all of that if they hadn't been there to laugh with me at my funny hospital stories, or cry with me at bad test results. I remember that when I walked across the stage at graduation, I didn't do it for just me. I did it for every single person who helped me get to that day. 

And now, a year later here I am. Better? Sure, compared to where I was, being tossed from doctor to doctor almost weekly hearing the same "Well I just don't know, let me refer you to..." and "Just keep taking these meds for the next 6 months.." until finally I heard "We've really done everything we can, we're still not sure what's causing this, but the medication seems to be helping so let's just stick with that." So here I am, little medicated me. (I'm not bitter or anything ;) I know, I know, things could be so much worse. But I just hate to think of how different things could have been if I would have never gotten sick. I couldn't go on college visits like everyone else, I only got the chance to apply to UNT because I ran out of time. Because I was too scared that if I went away I would get really sick again and I would be too far from my doctors, and family. I don't want that to be a regret hanging over my head for the rest of my life.

BUT, that's a whole other tangent. I want the point of this blog to be this: appreciate your health. I know how simple that is, it's something people overlook until they don't have it anymore, I know I did. No one ever wakes up and says "Gee, I'm so glad I have a heart that beats regularly" or anything like that until they feel the pain of it not anymore. Now I'm not asking you to be completely cheesy about this, but seriously, just realize how lucky you are to have your health! Be thankful every time your heart beats, and just anytime you feel well! Because trust me, the other end of the spectrum sucks. Not only for you, but for your friends and family. So enjoy your health. Be happy. And go run a mile for me. :) Just kidding, I wouldn't even do that if I could!

"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself...'How did I get through all of that'"

This next quote helped me get through the past year. I hope it can provide you comfort as well.

"I have the strength that says... I WILL NOT let this defeat me.

I won't let anyone ruin my heart.

I will make this life beautiful...

No matter what gets thrown at me.

No matter what things may seem like mountains in my path.

I WILL find a way through it."

Day 36: October 31, 2011

"We are 

each of us angels

with only one wing,

and we can fly

only by embracing 

each other."

-Lucian de Crescenzo

I've always hated the phrase "everything happens for a reason". Anytime I have someone say that to me I ask them to then give me the reason, and that usually shuts them up. But it's always been my belief that people are brought into our lives for a reason.

To teach us things about life, and about ourselves that we could never learn on our own.

To help us discover who we are. And where the hell we're supposed to fit into this crazy world. 

Some people show us what love, friendship, trust, and happiness are.

And from others we learn hate, betrayal, disappointment, and sadness. 

No matter which category they fall under, we will always remember them.

Our truest friends will not only be simply remembered.

They are those that come into our lives leaving their handprints on our hearts.

They are the ones who help shape us each day.

Who laugh when we laugh.

Who cry when we cry.

Our truest friends are the ones who are standing there beside us when it feels like the whole world has left us behind.

THESE are the people we must care about.

For they are rare, they are beautiful.

Friendships like this have the power to change your life forever.

Do not let them pass you by.

Day 35: October 23, 2011

Oh, hi there. Nice to see you again. I've missed you. Well, by that I guess I really mean that I miss the days when I used to actually have time to do this blogging thing every day. 

I miss the days when things were so simple. I mean, of course at the time none of it seemed simple because in high school you strive for drama. But now... I could do without it, and be perfectly content. But alas, without complications what would keep life so exciting? hmm? 

Are you happy in life, at this very moment.

 Are you happy?

I asked my friend Ben this question just randomly one day, as nothing serious I just wanted to see what he would say. And Ben being the supermegaawesome person that he is said he was, in fact, happy. He then returned the question to me and I replied with something along the lines of hell no! (Our dorm's fire alarm was going off for the third week in a row and I was left waiting outside in the heat with my huge bag of laundry.) Which (kind of) jokingly, left me very unhappy with life. 

"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change." -Barbara de Angelis

I found this quote on google earlier today, and it stuck out to me because this is where I find a huge fault within myself. So often I let others hinder my happiness. Mind you, that also goes the other way around. Without the select few who I am lucky enough to call my friends, I would not know the kind of joy, care, and laughter that I do today. But I really do let what others say or do to me get to me too much. I forget that I am the one who is truly in control of my own happiness. People hurting you, or betraying your trust is simply inevitable, but you have the ability to control how much you let it effect you. 

I had a moment today when I was getting upset over a certain situation and then one of my best friends just sent me something simple and it made me laugh, and I'm talking one of those from the gut laughs. And it dawned on me, why focus on the people who hurt you and let you down when on the other hand you have people who can make you belly laugh?! I mean HELLO?! We, as far as I know, have one life to live. And I don't know about you but I want to spend as many of my days being as truly happy as I can. 

"EVERY MOMENT IS A GIFT.

     SPEND IT ON THINGS THAT MATTER."

              -Unknown

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

 jkhkjhjkhjkjkdsakjb

Day 34: October 4, 2011

So... uhm, yeah. Posting a blog every day is going reh-he-he-heeeallly well, wouldn't you say? 

But hey, as long as I get to my 365 goal and I cross it off of my Bucket list I will be a happy camper. Even if it takes years, but seriously, it better not. 

What has changed since my last post...

Dorm food still sucks. (Not that I'm expecting that to ever really change.)

I've discovered that my roommate has a laugh that could probably annoy even the most peaceful and loving person on this planet. I'm talking Ghandi would drop-kick her if he ever heard it. (JK LEAH<3)

Parking has gotten a bit better, I'm guessing the dumb people who kept parking in our lot without a permit finally got tired of getting tickets every day. Hoorayyyy.

I've learned that if I ever live in a dorm again, I do not want community bathrooms. Ever. Ever ever. Like, for real I don't know why Leah talked me into this. I've already experienced wildlife (a tiny gecko), girls who think they are the next American Idol, that awkward moment when you're already in the shower and you realize that you forgot your towel down the hall in your room. Just overall, not worth it.

And as time has gone on I have continued to learn who my true friends are. Those who said they were going to stay in touch, but have yet to say a word. Or the ones you thought were some of your best friends and they barely speak to you. But I have to say some of the best parts of college so far has been meeting all of the new people and making friends. I already have some friends in a few of my classes that I know are going to help get me into some kind of trouble (like getting us completely lost in Dallas, cough cough), but it will keep things exciting I'm sure!

I'm sure I have said it before, but I'll say it again. I feel like I have learned more in these few months of college than I learned in my four years of high school. I feel like I've also learned a lot more about myself as well, and everyone's always telling me that that's what college is all about. 

Oh, and I guess one more big change would be that I now have a boyfriend, Garrett. Who has not only been a fantastic boyfriend so far, but even before that proved to be an amazing friend to me. He's one of those people who always sees things the way they truly are, and that may not make sense to anyone, but he'll get it. If he's reading this... hi Garrett. I'm learning a lot from him (mostly how to appreciate country music -__-) but he also shows me that I deserve to stand up for myself, and that I deserve true happiness too. Anyway, before this gets tooooo sappy. I just want to say that Garrett makes me happy each and every day, and I can only hope to repay him for all that he's already done for me.

So yeah, that's pretty much where I am.

Now, I need to study and do some homework. And sleep if there's time.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 33: September 11, 2011

Forever remember 09/11/01


Uh yeah, so... Who's idea was it to start a blog right before starting college?! Because seriously... it's not working out so well. I would apologize, but really I think the only person I'm letting down here is myself. I hate looking back and seeing that I haven't posted in a week, and when I did the most significant thing I had to say was that the dorm food sucked (which is still true..) But seriously, balancing time has been a challenge.
My roommate and I somehow managed to get into three of the same classes, but for some completely unfair reason we have had the least amount of homework in those three classes. So when I come home at the end of the day with 3 hours of home work she may come back with 45 mins only. But I am still enjoying my classes, Environmental science still seems like it's going to kick my a$$, but I need the challenge.. right?
Other than classes, school is pretty cool. Our room saw a lot of excitement today... We got 3 new rugs that (kinda) match our stuff... :) We got a newly used microwave and when we went to plug it in we blew our first fuse and went without AC for a bit. And then Leah kindly replaced my broken lamp with a new one... and it still doesn't work, so we're still looking into that problem. But while Leah was out and about working and getting all of those new and exciting things I was stuck here writing a two page fable for english, and I really liked the way it turned out. And when it's due in a few weeks I will probably post it on here to show you all my mad fable skills.
Anyhoo, I just had a few spare moments to blog and thought I would just do some quick updates. Hopefully next time I will have something a little more significant to say, but no promises. I saw this quote the other day and found it absolutely inspiring. I hope it can inspire some of you as well. Miss you. :)

"I want to learn about the world.

I want to surprise myself.

I want to be important.

I want to be the best person I can be.

I want to define myself, instead of having others define me.

I want to not be afraid of the unknown.

I want an interesting and surprising life.

It's not that I think I'm going to get all of these things.

I just want the possibility of getting them.

The possibility that things are going to change, and I can't wait."

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 32: September 4, 2011

"We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken."
-LOOKING FOR ALASKA ; John Green




I survived my first week of college. 
I got lost, I think I did poorly on a test, there was a gecko in my shower, I laughed, I cried, my car was completely COVERED in bird feces, I made friends, and I feel like I may have lost some... 
BUT I SURVIVED.
And I feel like I've learned more in the past 2 weeks then I learned in my 4 years of high school, and that's the honest truth. It truly has put things into perspective. It's shown me who my true friends are, it's shown me that you may think that you know someone... but wait until they're on their own, to see who they truly are. College has defined "trust" for me. College has shown me that I probably should have listened to my mom all those times she tried to show me how to make simple dishes... :/ The dorm food gets older every day... College has taught me that thankfully church trips over the years prepared me for what it's like to go a full day off of only a couple hours of sleep!
But overall, college has taught me that the most important thing is to enjoy. 

Enjoy your classes, enjoy walking around this beautiful campus.. despite this awful heat, enjoy all of the hilarious memories you make each day that you know you are going to remember for the rest of your life.
ENJOY LIFE.
Even when it sucks.
Even when people sucks.
Things WILL get better, they simply have to.
Stick in there, do your homework, get some sleep.


OH, and buy some new milk, because the stuff in your mini fridge got a little chunky over the weekend. -_-

LIVE.LAUGH. LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 31: August 29, 2011

I will forever remember my first weekend in college.
That's for sure.


I feel like moving into a dorm, and living with a friend instead of my parents has forced me to grow up so much in just the past week that it's seriously mind blowing. I remember months ago I used to dread college, I never wanted to think about it because quite frankly it scared the poop out of me. And now, here I am. Starting my second week of classes, going on my second week of living on my own and I'm still alive. So I'd say I'm doing pretty good.
There have been a few things that have happened over the past week that have been a little, well, stressful. But luckily I have some amazing friends that stick by me and help me through all the mess! Seriously, I wake up every day and realize over and over again not only how lucky I am to have the friends that I do, but also to be where I am today. I know before I came here I was worried that it would only ever be UNT, you know, just down the street from home. But in just a few days it has proven to be so much more than that. I've already felt myself begin to grow and mature, and hell it's only the second week. 
So as the homework piles up, and the dorm food gets crappier... I just can't wait to see what else lies ahead for me.


=)

Day 30: August 26, 2011

PARKING SUCKS.

DORM FOOD...MEH.

HEAT SUCKS.

ANNOYING FAN THAT WON'T STOP MAKING NOISES ALL DAY SUCKS.

EVERYTHING ELSE=AWESOME.

So I have now been through my first two days of college classes, and so far they seem to be pretty freaking awesome. I admit that I am looking forward to some more than others, but all in all they're looking great. And as far as our dorms location, I must say that it freaking rocks. Because we're pretty much right at the center of campus. So at most it takes me about 10 minutes to walk to each of my classes. One thing that's way different from high school is the size of the classes, I'm used to maybe 25-30 kids in a class. But walking into History with Leah and seeing like 60-75 seats filled was insane. And in my Theatre Appreciation class our teacher said we were expecting 102 students! I only had one class today so that was pretty awesome, and it was English, with only about 25 students even more awesome. And I have a feeling that it's going to quickly become my favorite class. I've always loved English, and writing and reading and all that jazz. But 1. our teacher just seemed genuine and fantastic and 2. when she was talking about what all we would be doing throughout the course it wasn't all about writing papers and doing research. It was about learning, and discovering more each day about ourselves, and who we are and about the world around us. And I just thought that was really cool. Because THAT'S what I want to do, THAT'S what I want to take away from a class at the end of the day. So, I'll keep you updated on that I'm sure.

Dorm life has been, fun. It's been so amazing to finally be on my own. It's been kind of weird when you just have those moments when you realize that you don't have anyone checking up on you anymore. That you're responsible for yourself now. But it's been great! I thought the community bathrooms were going to be a challenge, but they haven't been so bad.. Not going to lie, my sleep schedule has been a little funky just because we like to stay up and hang out and watch movies and stuff, but when classes get a bit more serious I'm sure that will change. But yeah, dorm food... meh.

And parking still sucks. That won't ever change.

Overall, I'm calling this a very successful first week. It's been stressful, overwhelming, but most of all just flat out fun. And I definitely have memories and stories that I know I will remember and tell for the rest of my life, and in my book... that's what counts.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 29: August 24: 2011

"Follow your INCLINATION

and EXPLORE"

That quote was said to us by one of the head honchos of UNT today at our Freshman welcome rally. Where we were all corralled into one large place, told that we are the largest class in the school's history, and reassured time and time again that we were NOT "settling" by choosing UNT as our College of choice. Good times...

Today I walked around campus and found my classes for the next two days, all pretty close to my dorm which is nice. And I would just like it to be noted that Leah and I actually woke up early enough to make it for breakfast serving time! So that was a bonus to this iffy day. 

Sorry today's post is short and a little pointless, but classes start tomorrow and I want to try and actually get some sleep, unlike the 4 hours I got last night... 

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 28: August 23, 2011

Dorm living, awww yeahhhh! I am loving it! It's been an adventure, I can say that! Moving in was a task, and reminded me that one day I would really like to move to a state that is much cooler than Texas (temperature wise, that is.) Luckily everyone around was really nice and we ran into this really nice guy who helped us with all of our heavy boxes. Once everything was in and our parents were gone it finally hit Leah and I that this was the start of our new beginning that we had been waiting for, and it was a great moment.
We then spent the next six hours being girls, putting away all of our clothes, and decorating the walls. Because if you know me, I can't stand to look at a blank wall! I wish I could do a panaramic picture so you guys could see our full room because most of the decorations are on the sides of where I was standing, but I figured this was the typical view.
So far we've just been hanging around, watching movies, getting groceries and more decorations, and sleeping! The only downside to our dorm so far has been that our cafeteria is under construction, and we were told this morning that it probably won't be done until January. So for now, three times a day (ideally, of course.) we have to walk 10 minutes across campus to a different dorm to get our grub on. But I guess that will just help us avoid that freshman 15lbs, right?
Overall, things have been going really well. We have one more free day until classes start on Thursday! And I just have to say PARKING AT UNT SUCKSSSSSSS! But everyday is a learning experience, and I am thankful for it. I'm excited for this year and everything that it will bring.
Also, I don't know if my blogs will include picture for a while. I can't get my Mac to put them on here. (I ran home to grab a few things from my room, and to post this on my old laptop) So, be patient until I can have some Mac genius show me how it's done.
I hope everyone who has already started school is having a good time, and to those who start later this week, stay positive and everything will be okay!

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 27: August 20, 2011

T-minus less than 24 hours until I move out...

Today was a wildly successful day, if I do say so myself. I slept through my alarm because I stayed up WAY to late reading last night. (SO worth it though) When I finally woke up I got straight to packing, I put the rest of my belongings away in those little brown and white boxes and I realized that 1. I'm really, really good at packing boxes and 2. holy crap I'm going to be living on my own tomorrow. Well, technically not on my own, own. But with a girl I've never even spent the night with before. Adventure? I think so.

And I know that I like, seriously went extremely fangirl in yesterday's blog over "Looking for Alaska" but I honestly don't think I could have read this book at a better time. And yes, you read that right, I already finished the book. And it's not because it was written poorly, as a matter of fact it's the complete opposite. His writing, and the story completely sucks you in and keeps you wanting to know more every time you pick it up to read. And this may sound weird, but I feel like I have grown as a person from reading it. I shared a few quotes from it yesterday and I am going to again today and I made sure to pick some that have absolutely NO spoilers. However, I will assure you that it is NOT a gushy love story like the back of the book makes you believe it to be, trust me.

"She turned away from me, and softly, maybe to herself, said "Jesus, I'm not going to be one of those people who sits around talking about what they're gonna do. I'm just going to do it. Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia."

"Huh?" I asked.

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.""

Holy poop, isn't his writing just beautiful?! And as you can see, I am obviously lacking in whatever magical gene he was blessed with having if I'm starting off my sentence with "holy poop" but whatever. When I read this part I felt like I could really relate to everything Alaska was saying. I'm always saying that I HATE JUST SAYING that I'm going to go out and do something. Word's are just words until you give them some kind of meaning. And that line "Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia." Melts.My.Heart. Fun Fact: John Green's wife actually said that to him on their first date, heck.. I would have married her too. Kidding... And then the last paragraph she says is something I will write out and put above my bed or something. So often I think we all try to use both our past, and our future as an excuse to escape.

"Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say, "Teenagers thing they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are."

This quote comes from one of the very last pages in the novel, which let me just warn you, the last 3 pages are the most hard hitting truths of the entire novel. Pretty much filled with words exactly like the ones above. Simply amazing. The part I have bolded is another quote that I think will forever stick with me. I don't feel like I need to say anything about it, but just read over it a few times, and then a few times more.

And then finally after the book is over and you are just sitting there in awe of what you have just read there is an interview of where they ask John like 10 questions and one of them was asking him about the metaphor of the "Great Perhaps" and about how he talked about the "radical hope" and in his answer he said this...

"And that's why I write fiction,probably. It's my attempt to keep that fragile strand of radical hope, to build a fire in the darkness."

John Green is my hero, not only because of his book. But also because of the videos he and his brother make weekly and for the amazing charity work they constantly do to decrease worldsuck. Like I said, I don't think I could have read this book at a better time. If anyone finds themselves with maybe ever 10 minutes of free time a day, I really encourage you to read this book. It leads you to really start thinking about who you are as a friend, a lover, and most importantly a person.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 26: August 19, 2011

Like I said before, in the weeks to come I am probably going to miss a few days every now and then. I'm sorry! I've been super busy running around trying to get everything ready, babysitting all day, packing, and saying my goodbyes to all of my friends who are leaving town. And as you can see by the circles that have taken to their new home under my eyes, I'm exhausted at the end of the day... and just haven't had the time/inspiration to write about anything. I mean, I just figured no one would want to read an entire blog about how sick nasty I think the McDonald's playpen is, or my new shirt folding strategy. So, again I am sorry, I will post whenever I can! I will reach my 365 day goal!!
Today the mothership and I went shopping at Target to buy pretty much everything else I needed for my dorm, because I realized that I move out in two days and really only have my bedding, clothes, books, and movies. Which, I guess I could be happy with... but shampoo and stuff would be nice too. So many many $ later (not all spent on the shampoo) I went into Barnes and Noble and tried (okay, I didn't really try) to stay away from the teen section. But I have been wanting to look into some of John Green's books for months now! That name may sound familiar because a few blogs ago when I talked about my YouTube addictions, he makes up 1/2 of the Vlogbrothers. I have been watching their vlogs for about 7 months now and they are absolutely brilliant. And throughout this time span John Green has had a few books in the works, and would sometimes give little sneak peaks of them in his videos. And in a few of them he would talk about this book in my picture "Looking for Alaska" (who is a girl... not like the frozen country. Just F.Y.I.) and his little excerts always caught my attention. John has this amazing way of writing that makes you feel like he's just talking to you. His humor and sarcasm comes right off of the pages and I am one to genuinely appreciate that. So today, when I came across the John Green section I couldn't help but buy just one more thing for the day. And even though I'm so behind on my sleep, I know I'm going to be up so late tonight reading!

There is one selection from the book that really stuck out to me when I read it. I don't want to set it up, because it's pretty obvious what's going on. I highly recommend this book... even though I'm only 30 pages into it. I am almost certain that I will post more about it as I move further into it.

"...but our time together is short. I must talk, and you must listen, for we are engaged here in the most important pursuit in history: the search for meaning. What is the nature of being a person? What is the best way to go about being a person? How did we come to be, and what will become of us when we are no longer? In short: What are the rules of this game, and how might we best play it?"

"I'm in a class, so teach me. And teach me he did: In those fifty minutes, the Old Man made me take religion seriously. I'd never been religious, but he told is that religion is important whether or not we believed in one, in the same way that historical events are important whether or not you personally lived through them."

This short part really stuck out to me, and the part that I bolded has been running through my mind all night. Fictional or not, the words that John Green wrote are true, at least they are to me. I feel like the questions that come after the want to find meaning are questions we should each strive to find our own answers to throughout our entire lives. But I constantly find myself searching for meaning, that's a big part of who I am. And my new favorite question to ask myself next time I'm in a difficult situation is going to be: What is the best way to go about being a person, or being the best person I can be. Because as people, we mess up, we make mistakes. That's just what we do, but it's how we learn from them, it's what we take away and how we don't make them again that changes us, and shapes us that truly matters.
And the second quote I thought was just beautiful. Coming from someone who is constantly doubting, and question God and my religion, this really struck me. I hope that even if you never care to read the book you can just take something away from these brilliant words that John wrote. I can only hope that one day I can make something as beautiful and impactful as this.

Alright, this is really making me want to go read now. I feel like anyone reading this would be really mad if I didn't include the little summary from the back of the book. I must warn you, from the back it definitely sounds like it's a love story that's geared towards females... but let's be honest... that's how you sell books these days. I.E. Twilight series. (Which John Green is one of the reviewers of, quoted in the front. Just a fun fact. BFFs with Stephanie Mayer.) So guys, please don't let this turn you away from the book. It is told from a males point of view and I am 30 pages into it and it hasn't been gushy at all, just brilliant! :)

"BEFORE. Miles "Pudge" Halter is done with his safe life at home. His whole existence has been one big nonevent, and his obsession with famous last words has only made him crave the "Great Perhaps" (Francois Rabelais, poet) even more. He heads off to the sometimes crazy, possibly unstable, and anything-but-boring world of Culver Creek Boarding School, and his life becomes the opposite of safe. Because down the hall is Alaska Young. The gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up, and utterly fascinating Alaska Young, who is an event unto herself.  She pulls Pudge into her world, launches him into the Great Perhaps, and steals his heart.
AFTER. Nothing was ever the same.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 25: August 16, 2011

Today's blog will be short and sweet just like the little tyke I spent the day with! 
It was a great day, although I must admit I had forgotten (and gladly at that) what 7am looked and felt like. But after a few episodes of Spongebob and some much needed chocolate cookies, we were off for our day full of adventures!
It was so nice to just spend that day not being worried about anything, and just getting caught up in little kid world again. Seeing the innocence in everything. My favorite part of the day was going to lunch and finally having the power to be that awesome adult who says "yes" when the kid asks can I go play on the playground? And then watching him run off and go make friends with all of the other kids who were in there playing. It amazes me how quickly kids accept each other, no matter the color of their skin, no matter their age, no matter what their wearing. If they're willing to play, they're best friends. So he spent a good 30 minutes just playing on the playground, while I sat inside just watching him. It made me admire, and miss being a kid so much. Not having to worry about so much, the biggest thing he had to worry about was how many more times I was going to tell him "just 5 more minutes".
Overall, it was just a great day. Although I couldn't get him to play along to my "packing game"... we still had an awesome time! However, tomorrow I am going on lock-down, and getting things done for real.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 24: August 15, 2011

MY DEAR HOGWARTS FRIEND <3

Alright, before I start this letter... go to youtube and type in "Edward Sharpe& The Magnetic Zeros- Home" Because that's what I'm listening to as I'm writing you this, and I just love that song! It's the one that has a picture of people jumping in the air with the sun setting in the background, I'm romantic..I know!

Anyway Jen, I am so stinkin' glad that I got to see you today. I wish I would have known more in advance so I could have written you an actual letter or something, but this will simply have to do my dear. (I would have said all of this in person, but I didn't want to break up the serious leg shaving that was going on... I mean seriously, I didn't want to be THAT person ;))

Jen, Otter, Hogwarts (If I may call you that) I don't want you to take this lightly, but I honestly don't think I would have been able to have gotten through this year without you. You were there in Aquatic Science every other day to listen to me b---- about how awful hospitals are, how pissed off I was with my doctors, or just to listen to me complain about everything that was happening. And you were there to back me up, to get all gangster and threaten to put a beat-down on those damn doctors if they didn't hurry their little tests up. But most importantly you were just THERE for me. You were there to help me laugh, you were there to help me cry, and you were there to help me take humiliating pictures that I'm sure will come back to haunt us in the years to come, because let's be honest.. that's what we're best at.

But I still remember the first day of that class, before any of my sickness had begun, and we were just two friends who had grown apart but who were extremely excited to have the opportunity to mend things back together. But I am blessed to say that we got so much more than that, you made an irreversible impact on my life Jen. With every godawful picture, with every outrageous text, and with every Aquatic Science joke, there is a memory to go with it that I know I will keep forever.

Thank you for defining friendship, for showing what it truly means to love. I only hope that I will be able to repay you. <3

As you leave tomorrow I hope you know that you have sososososo many people thinking about you and loving you. And we all know that you are going to change the world for the better, because well, that's what you do best Jen.

I stinkin' love you.

P.S.- Rub your legs for me right now, and smile.mmhmmm that's nice. hahaha

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 23: August 14, 2011

I would give just about anything to be back in this moment.

"Our lives improve only when we take chances...

and the first and most difficult risk

we can take is to be honest with ourselves."

-Walter Anderson

"The greatest weakness of most humans

is their hesitancy to tell others

how much they love them

while they're alive."

-Orlando A. Battista

"I'm always trying to do the impossible

to please people. It comes from not being secure

in myself and not looking at the things within

I have to fix. Sometimes, you keep going

because you don't want to face

the truth."

-Naomi Campbell

I think one of the hardest things that happens to us is when you search for a deeper meaning in something, or maybe someone.. and then you get that sence of hope, that maybe this time it will work out, or maybe this time if you give them that fourth chance.. things will turn out different, they will be different. And it's that awful feeling of getting your hopes up, it's almost unavoidable most of the time. It's like that feeling you get every time you get a text or a phone call from that boy you just started talking to, your heart starts racing and you can't help the smile that streches across your face. Until you find out, some things never change... Some people are really good at fooling you, telling you exactly what you want to hear. I'd like to think that forgivness, like love should be unconditional and unlimited... but in some cases, that just seems impractical.

That feeling of getting your tiny string of hope cut off is awful. It's nothing tangable, it's not like you can go run to your friend crying showing her your wound. It's silent, it's personal, and it's something that sticks with you until YOU let it go. And I count myself amoung one of the worst at "letting go". I hold things in, I don't like to burden others with my troubles. Luckly, I have gatherd a handful of people who have gained my trust and who have stuck by my side through thick and thin. But as I have grown up I have found otherways that help me release things, whether it's through writing, painting, driving, or something else.

So I encourage you to search for your own releases, because although talking to people is good sometimes it just doesn't do the trick. So that on days like today, when you feel that hope get lost you can have that distraction, and get back to making things be okay.

I also really enjoy listen to music right before I go to bed, so here is a list of some of my favorite songs, if you don't want to go buy them or anything you can always just go to good ol' YouTube and look them up on there.

Detials in the Fabric- Jason Maraz

Awake My Soul- Mumford & Sons

A beautiful Mess- Jason Maraz

Belief- John Mayer (stripped version)

The Cave- Mumford & Sons

Come Home- One Republic

Turning Tables- Adele

Each Coming Night- Iron and Wine

Happiness- The Fray

Fix You- Coldplay

Human of the Year- Regina Spektor

Us- Regina Spektor

Hero- Regina Spektor

After the Storm- Mumford & Sons

Dog Days- Florence and the Machines

To Whom it May Concern- The Civil Wars

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 22: August 13, 2011

I missed a post yesterday, so sorry! I had every intention to write it before I headed out to Bridgeport but I failed to find the time to do so and by the time I got home it was already today. I have a feeling in the weeks to come I am going to miss a few more, not on purpose, but just with trying to get everything ready to move out, and trying to spend time with some friends before they all leave I'm finding it difficult to balance out my time. Enough excuses.
I took this picture Thursday afternoon I believe, and it's quite refreshing because although I love to see a sunny, bright blue sky I love the dark and gloomy days every now and then. And I know we all enjoyed what little rain we got! So I thought I would share this photo in hopes that we could all relive the beauty of the brief coolness and downpour we got to enjoy.
In so many novels authors use storms as metaphors, beautiful ones at that. To show anger, to show grief, to show longing, but my favorite is to show a way of being cleansed. I mean, first off when it rains I'm usually just really thankful that it's finally raining since here in Texas we go so long without it sometimes. But when I get past that, I like to think about what I could let wash away with this storm..
I know we may not be due for another storm for a little bit, but what would you let wash away?
Think about it, and let it go.
You'll be glad that you did, trust me.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 21: August 11, 2011

The kindness of a stranger.

"Wherever there is a human being,

there is an opportunity for a kindness." 

 ~Seneca

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

 ~Leo Buscaglia

Phew, what a day indeed. Like I said in my "blog" yesterday (sorry again about that) Sara and I spent most of the night making a bunch of videos. And last night when I got home around am  I wasn't feeling tired so I wanted to go back and watch them. Mind you, they were all around 20-25 minutes. And the one where we reviewed our summer was an hour and a half. So I didn't end up going to bed until around 5am. Thus, I didn't wake up until around 1pm this afternoon. I woke up and went into the kitchen and made this freaking awesome sandwich, not to toot my own horn, but seriously this was a epic sandwich. And just as I finished putting everything away and sat down to start eating my phone started ringing and it read "MOTHERSHIP" calling.
Next thing I know I'm putting plastic wrap on my epic sandwich, and walking out the door.. defeated, and hungry. Heading to Staples to pick up my stranded Mothership because her spaceship has a dead battery. Well, I had to first put out a call for jumper cables. Once I got some and got to the store the Mothership assured me that she knew what she was doing.... 2 minutes later I'm on the phone with my brother asking him for help. Finally, we connect the red to red and black to black AND... nothing happens.
Apparently my car is as wimpy as it looks. But luckily the man in the picture above was nice enough to pull up and ask if he could help us out. He assured us that his engine was much stronger and would do the trick, however for about 10 minutes it didn't do anything. It was then that we discovered the problem was in the cables. (I later asked the owners of the cables where they got them from... a garage sale... awesome. haha) Anyway, he messed around with them a bit and then finally, we got the spaceship to start!
We thanked the man, he was seriously SO nice and I know we wouldn't have figured it out, and would have had to have it towed had he not have had to get office supplies today and been kind enough to stop and give us a hand. It's people like him that give you hope that there's still good people out there in the world.
And well, I know that not all of us know how to jump cars. But I just ask that if you ever see someone in this situation. Please just take the time to stop and ask if there is anything you can do to help them. Maybe they need to use a phone, maybe they could use a bottle of water. Be the stranger who offers them a kind hand the next time. Pay it forward. I know I will.
P.S.- I move out in 10 days. =)

Day 20: August 20, 2011

IM SO SORRRRYYYYYYYYY

Like my soccer ball...?

Allow me to explain.....

So... it's 11:13pm, I am not currently using my computer. Nor am I using one with any valid pictures on it that would be okay for this blog... So I found a soccer ball and used it. =)

I pinky promise that my blogs will go back to normal tomorrow! Sara and I spent quite a few hours tonight making a "Summer 2011 in review" video, and we got really caught up in doing that so I completely lost track of the time and I'm not at my own house. EXCUSES, EXCUSES.

So tomorrow will be back to normal, with an actual topic! 

I'm actually starting to pack my clothes and things away into boxes!! 11 days!!

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 19: August 9, 2011

Can I get a collective AWWWWW!

SORRY about yesterdays post... I still have NO idea what was wrong with the site and why it wouldn't let me post it. But if you didn't catch it, I did post an actual blog last night... it's over on my facebook page. Check it out!

Moving right along.....

So tonight's blog is going to be about my day, because I'm running out of time and today was a pretty good day.

I started off the day by going to UNT with Preston to drop off my transcript. We happened to find a freaking awesome parking spot (which is like, absolutely unheard of on campus!!) AND there was still 47 minutes left in the parking meter. But we decided to put in another quarter just in case. Funny thing was, our "business" took less than five minutes. So... we decided to look at it like we were "Paying it Forward" (great movie by the way) for the next person to happen upon that parking spot. Then we got distracted by the Chicken Express that is on campus, and went inside to get their Jumbo sweet teas, but they were out. FAIL. After that Preston challenged me to direct him to my dorm, this is funny because I will be moving there in 12 days!! Annnd I still have trouble locating it on that campus. But after about 10 minutes of driving around we found it by me saying "oh look! that one's three stories and looks like crap, I think that's it!" =) Then Preston and I just drove around town for a little bit, talking about thrift stores, grandparents we don't know, and how happy we are to be out of high school. And then we realized we're going to be moving out of our houses in just 12 days! SO CRAZY!

Skipping ahead about 4 hours, my friend Chelsy is back in town and we decided to go on a walk because we convinced ourselves it felt nice outside... ha...ha... But we sat at the park and talked for a few hours, just catching up. I listened to her talk about her boyfriend, with the biggest smile on her face the whole time. I don't think there's a better feeling then finally seeing your friends being in a good relationship that they deserve. (Hey Chels, I know you're reading this... so CRAZY NIKKI! hahaha) 

But I think my favorite part about today was that I have grown up so much with both Preston and Chelsy, and it's so exciting to think that all three of us are about to start this new chapter in our lives, and we're all still together. But so much is different. Chelsy and I talked about something today that I think is so important for everyone to come to terms with at some point in their lives, and the sooner the better. And it is this; life happens.. people are going to come in and out of your life, some are going to hurt you, some are going to change you for the better. But the thing is you really don't have any control over other people. You just have to let life happen. Because when you do, when you just let go... some amazing things come out of it. You make friends that will somehow stick with you through all the drama of high school and will be there to make fun of you when you can't find where your dorm is. Or friends who can tell sit on a park bench with you for hours and just talk, and be perfectly content.

Let life happen.

P.S.- For everyone who is asking Preston and I are not dating. Boys and girls are allowed to be just friends. I don't know when that rule ever changed.

LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.

Day 18: August 8, 2011



Mission trip to Juarez, Mexico

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

-Martin Luther King Jr.

"You are not here to save the world,

but you are here to touch the hands

that are within your reach."

-Kathleen Price

"There are two primary choices in life;

to accept conditions as they exist,

or accept the responsibility

for changing them."

-Denis Waitley