Anyone who has ever had any kind of long-term health issues knows what I mean when I say it is literally the most limiting, frustrating, and exhausting thing you will ever experience. Especially when no doctor can seem to give you any answers. Well maybe not ever, but at least in my 18 years of living it has been.
I started getting sick in late August of last year... and now, as it's already August again it's hard to believe that so much time has gone by. The good thing about all of this is that a year later I am in such a better place than I was, however, I'm still not at my 100%. I'm still taking a bunch of medication, I'm still limited by sickness almost every day, and it's quite possibly the most frustrating thing ever. None of my doctors were ever able to give me a reason for any of this.(except for my heart problem,which "just happens to people sometimes" ha..ha..)
But as hard as it is for me sometimes, I've learned that it doesn't do any good to sit there and just be frustrated. I'm going to feel like crap that day no matter what, so why not try to make something good out of it? Today was uber frustrating because we got a call from our insurance company saying they weren't going to cover the cost of the heart monitor I'm supposed to wear for the next two weeks. No big deal right? WRONG. This tiny machine costs around $800, and mind you.. I've been spending money like no one's business on school for my classes, parking, and dorm room.. So we kindly (well, sort of kindly) told the woman on the phone that we would talk to my doctor about finding an alternative test. So yeah, awesome.
But I am confident that something good will come of this... it will all somehow work out in the end. And until then, I'm not going to worry about it. For anyone who has ever been through anything like this, or has known someone who has been through this I'm so sorry. I can't lie and say that I'm not a little worried about next year, living on my own with all of this. But that's why I choose UNT. It's close to home, close to my doctors. But thankfully, I am blessed with some of the most understanding and amazing friends EVER who have held my hand and my hair (too much? haha) through it all. I seriously couldn't have gotten through this year without my friends and family. Thank you all so much. And I know this may sound silly, but please, appreciate your good health. I know I never used to think anything of it until I forgot what it was like, but I'm starting to remember again. :)
Today while riding in the car I heard the song "The Heart of Life" by John Mayer, and the lyrics to this song really struck me. So instead of a quote I thought I would put them here at the end. If you haven't heard this song go look it up on YouTube or something!
The Heart of Life- John Mayer
"I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position.
There's things you need to hear, so turn off your tears and listen.
Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around.
No, it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.
You know it's nothing new, bad news never had good timing.
But the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining.
Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around.
No, it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.
Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around.
But I know the heart of Life is good.
I know it's good."
LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE WASTEFULLY.
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